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H1. Worst Tie
Requirements: Usually worn by a middle-aged middle manager, attempting to be humourous
Record holder: open

H2. Most Money Scrounged From Colleagues in 1 day
Requirements: If anyone ever asks you to lend them money at work, you'll know they're making an attempt
Record holder: open

H3. Biggest Butt-Kisser
Requirements: Slimey, two-faced brown-noser
Record holder: open

H4. Most Free Coffee in 1 day
Requirements: Can include machines on 'free vend'
Record holder: Reg Waldren, Potters Bar, England
Details: 16 cups "Office 'free vend' - I didn't sleep for a week afterwards - not through guilt, I have to say"
December 2002

H5. Most Stationary Stolen for Personal Use in 1 week
Requirements: Alias acceptable
Record holder: open

H6. Best Excuse for Lateness
Requirements: Give us something we haven't heard before
Record holder: open

H7. Speed Type 'my boss is a twat' - Most in 1 munute
Requirements: No autotext, cut and paste or other cheats - 1 space between each word - all words correctly spelt
Record holder: James Sanderson, Cheltenham, England
Details: 12 plus 2 words "Then some other twat showed it to him - now I've been well and truly twatted"
March 2003

H8. Most revolutions in a swivvel chair in 1 minute
Requirements: Unaided by a third party - self propelled
Record holder: James Sanderson, Cheltenham, England
Details: 56 "Are you reading this NASA?" March 2003

H9. Fastest discharge of 100 staples
Requirements: Staple gun, 100 staples - discharge into paper, into the base of the stapler
or fire them across the office with complete disregard for the safety of your colleagues
Record holder: Paul Robbins, Deal, England
Details: 24 seconds "Air shots" January 2003

H10. Most annoying telephone 'on hold' muzac
Requirements: You know the type of thing - Mozart on a Stylophone
Record holder: open

H11. Highest stack of stackable 'in' trays
Requirements: Lots of 'in' trays
Record holder: open

H12. Most holes in a sheet of A4 with a standard size hole punch
Requirements: All edges must remain in tact and no two holes should be joined together
Record holder: open

H13. Longest time sitting at a desk with no trousers on - un-noticed
Requirements: Men only please wearing shirt and tie - underwear optional (hands above desk please)
Record holder: Marcus Savage, Peterborough, England
Details: 12 minutes "Chickened out early" February 2003

H14. Most times using the word 'phenomenal' in a genuine business telephone conversation
Requirements: Person on the other end of the phone must remain completely unaware that you are taking the pi$$
Record holder: open

H15. Most people linked together via body piercings using paperclips
Requirements: Like-minded morons
Record holders: open

H16. Most bulldog clips attached to face
Requirements: Lots of loose, flappy skin - preferably your own face - all clips must be attached to skin
click here for PICTURE
Record holder: Stephen Smith, Bromley, England
Details: 13 "Bloody painful - I only stopped because I ran out of bulldog clips" May 2003

H17. Most sellotape wrapped around head
Requirements: Try to leave airways clear if possible
click here for PICTURE
Record holder: Steve Savory, London, England
Details: 66 metres - and he lived! April 2003

H18. Quickest insertion of a 3.5" diskette into an empty standard 5000 26/6 staple box
Requirements: Diskette will require reshaping somewhat - fold it or smash it to bits - all pieces 
must fit into the box - box must remain in shape and be closed at end of timed attempt
Record holder: open

H19. Most completed games of Microsoft Minesweeper in 10 minutes
Requirements: Standard 'beginner' level - 8 X 8 squares - 10 mines
Record holder: Keith Gale, Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada
Details: 34 (quickest in 6 seconds) "Only now in this late hour can I see how much of my life I've wasted on Minesweeper" May 2003
Keith is a software designer and his record was verified by the previous holders' brother David
Previous record holder: Rob Michaud, Campbellton, New Brunswick, Canada
Details: 8 (in 5 minutes) and as Rob so eloquently puts it, "Screw you people!! I'm a World Record holder, baby" May 2003
Previous record holder: Sally Turley, Corby, England - 4

H20. Most 3.5" diskettes flipped beermat stylie
Requirements: Stack 'em and flip 'em - place a stack on the edge of a desk and 
flip them beermat stylie with the back of your hand - catch with the same hand
after they have flipped over at least once - must catch the entire stack - partial
stack will not count
Record holder: 'Frankie' Williams, Bristol, England
Details: 4 "Not a lot, but hey, I'm a world record holder!" January 2003

H21. Most obscenities written on colleagues shoes with correction fluid - undetected
Requirements: Will probably require a certain amount of crawling around under desks - the act
must remain un-noticed until brought to the attention of the victim(s)
Record holder: Barry Jeffries, London, England
Details: 1 "TITS remained un-noticed for around 2 hours) January 2003

H22. Most people involved in a game of soccer with a rolled-up paper ball
Requirements: Must take place in an office environment
Record holders: open

H23. Longest time pretending to be a looped information message while keeping a caller 'on hold'
Requirements: Tell a caller that you are putting them 'on hold' - rabbit on endlessly like a recorded info message about stuff they really don't want to hear - background muzac is acceptable. See how long you can get away with it before 'resuming' your call (or until they either twig you or hang up)
Record holder: open

H24. Longest lunch break
Requirements: None really - overweight senior management types may have the advantage here
Record holder: open

H25. Most obscenities printed on an A4 sheet in 12pt Arial font
Requirements: Different obscenities - as many as you can think of - no border required - print right to the edges
Record holder: open

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